16 Years of Sobriety

It's my AA birthday today, 9 October. I could write a super long essay going into the whole story, but I'll leave that for now.

It's funny, but the number is baffling to me. It's just a bunch of days-at-a-time added together. All I need to concentrate on is not picking up today.

What have I learned?

I'd say that the most important thing is the first step of AA, whether you're going through the AA program or not.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanageable.

This was the key, admitting that and owning it. Until I did that, nothing was going to change.  

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

That's how it was for me. I took that first step a few times before I managed the second one, because I didn't start out doing it for me, or because I would listen to other people's stories and think that I wasn't that bad, or I'd think that after a month I could go back to pacing myself, or, or, or ...

And now, 16 years later, I'm still taking the steps. There is no destination, no Mount Doom for me to cast a ring into. There's the journey, and that's all.

What else?

Sobriety means so much more than just not picking up. For me, it means 'wholeness'. I can easily not pick up and still be an arse. My fears and insecurities and layers of life over love can make me feel incomplete.

I'm now practising the steps in a way that will lead me closer to becoming whole, like when Neo finally gets it, and he no longer has to fight Agent Smith because Smith becomes powerless when Neo gets it. Like that.  

What next?

I'll keep making content. After a year of making recovery content, it's become clear to me that this is a Very Good Way of keeping my mind in the recovery space. It keeps me from becoming complacent.

I'll continue to build and implement my Notion Life Design system as a way of improving my life and getting me closer to my higher level goals of peace and love and serenity. I'll align my actions towards those ideals and use my system to highlight when I'm veering off track.

And one more thing...

Happy anniversary!

I'll close by wishing a very happy anniversary to the love of my life, my ever-loving wife, My Lennium. My AA birthday just happens to fall on the same day as our wedding anniversary, three years later.

Thank you for staying. ♥