Morning Pages | 15 August 2025
I finished my Odesa essay last night and posted it. I now feel a bit lighter and not at all in a vulnerability hangover state. Although, having said that, I didn't go much into the dark side of that year. Was there really a dark side? As I write this introduction, it feels like I perhaps only thought there was, and so was giving it power and prolonging its existence. On the whole it was an incredible achievement and it's been a worthwhile exercise exploring it in writing and reaching that conclusion. Nice one Camser!
I was reading some posts online before posting this, and this one (An Interview on Calling with Grace Leuenberger) resonated with what I was saying about being in the present.
I think that God really wants me to experience what it means to be content with Christ and to be attentive to the life I am experiencing right now, instead of fixating on the ideas of what could’ve been or was or could be.
I am rather guilty of fixating on what could've been or was or could be, and it feels like writing that Odesa essay has helped me in some way to let it go. It is all very Step 4, as I said in my Pages. For those that don't know, I got sober through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and Step 4 is about making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. The title of this publication comes from Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. So that written piece was very much in keeping with those principles.