Morning Pages | 28 January 2024
I'm in an obsessive phase right now—this time, it's reading. I keep adding books to my list and coming up with content ideas to justify it. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing necessarily. I might not actually be delusional. As long as I'm aware of how obsessive behaviour usually shows up for me and take steps to dial it back and not let it take over. Right?
I also just got news this morning that an old army friend is in hospital and doesn't have long left on this earth. He's younger than me by a year or so. So why would I not follow my content creation ideas and get the most out of life? Why would I let fear hold me back? We only get one shot at this, and when I look back through my life, the single biggest constant thread has been books, and fantasy books in particular. Some of my earliest memories are of reading. Even through the active addiction years, there were books. Hell, my whole worldview was borne of a fantasy series. (The Farseer Trilogy, in case you were wondering).
Fear has no agency. I'm the one with the agency. So I get to choose, and I choose life; I choose to believe in myself; I choose not to care about how my podcast might suck. In fact, I acknowledge that it probably will. You don't get to be a retired colonel without joining the army. But, honestly, I'd settle for sergeant.
Pages
